Unarchiving: Amnesia & Innocence
"Questions for Ingrid
--I must watch my energy when thinking and acting, especially around her, but with everyone
--Do future images always happen? Aren't there infinite possbilities of what could be?
--Should I take a break from art to actually earn some money and/or try something else?
--Does she only reflect back positive feedback? How much does she actually confront and challenge her clients?"
Everything that is or will be or has been is always in the body and soul of a person. It’s like a seed or egg that contains all the DNA to be expressed or potentially expressed. Nature and Nurture interact to manifest a life through space and time.
I remember her saying that I will have a taller skinny boyfriend who is not a dancer but kind and always on a computer. We will live in a modern house with nice plants on the balcony. Maybe it’s a nice place with a sea or ocean view, somewhere sunny. I remember seeing this “boyfriend” whenever I saw a taller, skinny guy who wasn’t a dancer and possible worked behind their computer a lot. I couldn’t unsee or unhear these future predictions. Maybe this partner exists within me somehow? Maybe a person who I thought it could be was it, but only as a transition to another person or phase of life?
Like many overachievers or perfectionists or hardworkers, I want the critical feedback and the bootcamp. I want a drill sergeant coach. Of course, I want kindness and skill and tact too.
I started doing CrossFit. I could see myself coaching here actually. It’s a part of me, this fitness enthusiast and sporty guy, that I do embody but also feel that I don’t embody though I desperately want to. I want to be an athlete and look like one. At some level, to a younger person or to someone who is not “fit”, I am. To a very “in-shape” person or a professional athlete of some sort, I am fit, but not professional or doing Olympic Lifts, let’s say.
I made a fitness plan for myself for the next months. Because the membership to my CrossFit gym is very expensive, I will try going 5x per week to the main classes. I will try not going too crazy so as to allow my ligaments to adjust…though I’ll just have to feel this out and see how much my previous training and dance background has already prepared meor not. I want to test all of the levels in the “Level Method”—the 15 categories that give a final overall fitness level…the overall fitness level being based on the 2 weakest categories actually. Once I know this level then I can see where my weaknesses are and work on those. I can also see about getting my overall fitness level up to a higher level. I won’t overtry to get back into Kung Fu. I can only do so much, and it’s good practice to make decisions and curate this and not that...otherwise no significant process is made in any direction. Anyways, It would be nice to take a break from art as my main source of income. If I coached then it could provide me with something more regular and stable and enjoyable. Stabilizing financially and work-wise could be a much longed-for respite from the survival mode of freelance dance. I would love to have the experience of not needing to worry all the time but to relax in knowing that I have a job where income is always coming in… What would that do to my system and my life? What would that sort of person do with art? How would my art-making be then?
Funded by the Federal Government Commissioner for Culture and Media within the framework of the initiative NEUSTART KULTUR, aid programm DIS-TANZEN by the Dachverband Tanz Deutschland